Courtship Signals

From the highly entertaining book "Let Me See Your Body Talk" by Jan Hargrave, here I present to you, my visitor, female and male courtship signals. Through these fun, entertaining readings, you'll truly be able to decide once and for all, which friends of yours are really "players." (When my friends and I went through, we confiremed a large number of hopeless flirts and a number of players as well).

Male Courtship Signals

The first step in courtship for a male is to attract attention to himself so that eye-contact can be made. There are various ways of doing this. Most involve a form of self-grooming, such as adjusting the tie, fiddling with the collar, rearranging cuff links or smoothing hair. Another way to attract positive attention is to carry an interesting object (book, Wall Street Journal, etc.) that could be used it someone noticed it and wanted to start a conversation. It is much easier to talk about something, rather than to someone, when the two parties do not know each other.

Once attention has been caught, the next step in successful courtship is the correct use of eye contact and facial expression. Long stares and lingering looks at this stage are not favorable in the "dance" protocol. An initial gaze of around three seconds is appropriate, and you should not smile immediately upon making eye contact. The message that is conveyed by the delayed smile is "I was only being polite at first, but now that I've taken a good look, WOW!"

Initial eye contact should last about two seconds. It should be broken by looking downward, either right or left. Gaze should be broken by looking downward, either right or left. Gaze should then be immediately re-established, with a high intensity simple smile and perhaps an eye-brow flash can even accompany it. You should continue to smile and gaze for a few more seconds before making an approach.

If you want to convey a more macho image, the eye contact should be longer and the smile either made less intense or avoided entirely. Posture should be less relaxed and more dominant. One way in which a man can signal dominance is to "take possession" of part of the room or furniture; to spread out; meaning his arms or belongings.

Once the preening has occurred, men then go into a variety of more serious courtship signals. Let's progress from the simple to the complex:

• Three things that are done with the jacket that buttons or zips are crucial signs in courtship. Men begin by slowly buttoning and unbuttoning, or zipping and unzipping the jacket, indicating slight nervousness. They then open the jacket at the waist with both hands and hold it open in this position for a few minutes; indicating further discomfort and nervousness. The third and most crucial step is when the take the jacket off after having completed steps one and two. Taking the jacket off means you have them hook, line, and line and sinker.

• Men show interest in women with playing with circular objects in the presence of the woman. He may squeeze, then let go of, a Coca Cola can or a glass, then squeeze and let go again. What he is actually implying is: "I'd like to squeeze you, Baby."

• Glancing at a woman's body, and letting her see him do it, is also a courtship gesture made by males.

• My favorite male courtship gesture, that seems to happen daily all over the world is the sock-pulling gesture. When uncomfortable or nervous, in the presence of a woman, men tend to pull their socks up.

• Lightly stroking either the outer, or less often, the inner thigh is an indication of sexual interest.

• When seated in a chair or leaning against a wall, he may sometimes spread his legs to give a crotch display.

• To accentuate physical size and show readiness to be involved with a female, men will often stand with their hands on their hips.

• The most aggressive sexual display a man can make is the aggressive thumbs-in-belt, "cowpoke" stance. This is accomplished when one or both thumbs are hooked into the belt of the pants with the downwardpointing fingers framing the groin area.

• Partly unbuttoned shirts, masculine-smelling colognes, softness of winter sweaters, sleekness of combed back hair, and flashy sports cars are all used by men when courting.

• Men in a courtship situation usually tend to have high muscle tone, that is, body sagging seems to disappear, stomachs are tucked in a little tighter and chests tend to protrude an little more. It seems that the body assumes a more erect posture than usual.

• Sly winks, accidental touches beneath a business table, gentle rubbing of the back and moving on closer are also considered courtship gestures.

• Excited interest can be seen by a flushed appearance in the cheeks and pupil dilation.

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